When you have a chronic illness or a long-term illness, sometimes it is hard to think about creating goals when you are in pain. Sometimes, it is hard to think about the future when your life revolves around constant pain and very frequent doctor visits. There is a grieving period involved too when your whole entire life changes, and you are unsure about the future or your life’s dreams. I get it. I have been there. I am still sometimes there. However, my goal right now is to move forward from that. I am determined that while some of my dreams in life may not be obtainable anymore, that it is time to be flexible and creative in thinking of ways of getting to experience some of those dreams in some form.
I went to college to study English. My dream was to teach students of other languages. I wanted to travel. I also loved writing and wanted to be a fiction writer. I put that dream aside shortly after my accident when I was struggling to type, and my reading ability was not as strong as before the accident. However, I never gave consideration until years after I started my first blog (back in 2009/2010) that while I am not writing novels, I am writing. Prissy Missy Loves is my newer blog and one that I started about the time of my relapse, but with this blog, I get to explore things that I cannot in my other blog, and between them both, I get to share stories. I get to connect with people on a personal level. It gives me happiness to know that I can still write, even if it is not how I first envisioned. As for writing novels, I am still fairly young. Maybe my time just has not come yet.
When I had my relapse, I had this idea that I was going to finish college and go forward in my career choice. However, considering that I never know what my pain level is going to be when I wake up, and some days I cannot concentrate, cannot do much without pain, and have other issues, I have been frustrated and deep down, I think that my dream of this is probably not going to ever happen the way I wanted. However, I started looking at other options. I could finish my degree online. It might take a while, but I could work with my body and issues and make it work. I also recently discovered that there are tutoring opportunities that I can do from home on the computer. The whole idea is so exciting and something I never considered. Again, it is not my original dream, but being flexible in the form can help me obtain that dream.
Being flexible is also giving me the opportunity to explore possibilities that I never thought would happen. When I was a little girl, I wanted to model. I was short, and I was chubby. The whole idea seemed totally and utterly unreachable. And yet, here I am. I am not, nor will I ever most likely be a supermodel. However, I get to model for small boutiques. Right now, I cannot do as much as I would like, but when I see an opportunity that can work for me right now, I take it. It may never bring me lots of money, but it is so much fun, and it has been a huge confidence boost too!
The point I am trying to make here is that when you are starting to get frustrated with everything that has gone wrong and all you have had to give up, take a moment to see how you can change things to still make it work for you. Also try to put things into perspective. My big thing is that I have started to remind myself that I am still fairly young. While my issues may prevent me from my original plans, there is no reason that I have to give up on life or all my dreams. I just need to modify them to fit the situation. It is not perfect, but doing this can give you a better outlook. Having a more positive outlook can affect the way you live your life. You deserve to be happy. Just because you are stuck with an illness or condition does not mean that it has to define you as a person. Be flexible and as always, be gentle with yourself!