By the middle of 2018, I thought I had it figured out. My word at the time was “Strong.” I felt fierce. I was coming out of my shell a bit and doing way more than I have in the past few years. Then I fell, and I fell hard.
Last year, if I was to give myself a word, I would say it was “Survivor.” I don’t think I ever felt so glad to see a year end. I lost relationships with some family. I lost relationships with some friends. I ended up at the hospital several times. I spent a better part of my year in a doctor’s office. The effects of everything…my chronic illness, lost relationships, frustrations, and exhaustion really took their toll on me. There were a few times I was worried I wasn’t going to see 2019 or my 40th birthday. There were a few times where I didn’t think I wanted to see it because I was mentally done.
I made it. I made it through that abomination of a year. I rose out of the ashes like a phoenix, and I am ready to take on this year in a fierce way. I am a warrior. I may have been like Atreyu when he lost Artax in the Swamp of Sadness (Neverending Story reference for those who don’t know great movies), but I am going to keep pressing forward. I am going to fight. I am not going to let my chronic illness, the depression, or the grief of all I lost keep me in the swamp forever. I am turning 40 for goodness sake!
I am going into this new decade of my life ready to leave my 30’s behind and all the problems I had there. I want to fight and make a happier life for myself! I want to keep dreaming, and I want to make my dreams a reality.
This year, I am a warrior. I take up my sword and slay my dragons, physical ones and emotional ones. I may lose a battle now and then and lay low, but then I will press forward to win the war. I am too young to just give up, and honestly, I think I was starting to give up. I am big on preaching about being adaptable, and I really do try to adapt. However, I think I got to a point where I was tired of being tired. I was tired of not seeing results. My last health scare and trip to the ER for the year was due to seizure like activity. I had a bad headache for a few weeks with episodes of seeing spots and vomiting. One of my doctors brushed it off, and a few days later, I ended up in the ER. I ended up seeing one of my other doctors a few days later and had injections. My doctor tried something different in how she gave them to me, and it actually worked. I have been having injections off and on this past year without much success, but it is looking like we might be finding answers. I was wiped out for a lot of last month, but I made it through the holiday season anyways. I still had to adapt. I had to scale my plans back a bit. It sucked, but it was for the best. I am really hoping that this year, I won’t have to scale my plans or dreams back. I also want to approach things differently too and make sure I don’t have too much on my plate.
What is your word for the year? What word do you want to describe YOU for this year? I would love to hear from you in the comments below. Don’t forget to subscribe and follow me on Instagram. I post all sorts of great stuff there!