Considering that this year has been one long roller coaster ride, I shouldn’t have been …Read More
A while back, I did a photoshoot with the very talented Cleveland area photographer, Jessica Orzechowski of Lumos Photography. I have admired her work for a while, so I was super excited to create art with her. However, I did not realize how therapeutic it would be.
I have been modeling for five years, and in that time, I did a bathtub shoot, but I did not really show my stretch marks or anything much. It was a beautitful shoot, and it gave me confidence. This one I did with Lumos took those priniciples and went further.
The shot above was not something I planned to do. The Nightmare Before Christmas Cardigan is by Torrid, and the bra and panty set is by Lane Bryant. However, on the spur of the moment, I grabbed the sweater, and we just tried it. I did something that I do not usually do, I put my tummy (stretch marks and all) on display. The image was fabulous. I felt truly gorgeous. I think seeing myself like this was one of those moments to remind myself that every part of me is beautiful.
This body has carried 5 babies, three to term. This body went through being hit by a car. This body went through an eating disorder. This body has put up with all the fad diets I tried. This body does not give a fuck anymore to what anyone else thinks. This body is beautiful.
The next time you see self-doubt lurking, stop. Look in the mirror. Really look. Ask yourself what all your body has done for you. Then love it. Just as it is. Right now. No matter what you do, gain or lose, you have one body and it needs your love and support.
When you have a chronic illness or a long-term illness, sometimes it is hard to think about creating goals when you are in pain. Sometimes, it is hard to think about the future when your life revolves around constant pain and very frequent doctor visits. There is a grieving period involved too when your whole entire life changes, and you are unsure about the future or your life’s dreams. I get it. I have been there. I am still sometimes there. However, my goal right now is to move forward from that. I am determined that while some of my dreams in life may not be obtainable anymore, that it is time to be flexible and creative in thinking of ways of getting to experience some of those dreams in some form.
I went to college to study English. My dream was to teach students of other languages. I wanted to travel. I also loved writing and wanted to be a fiction writer. I put that dream aside shortly after my accident when I was struggling to type, and my reading ability was not as strong as before the accident. However, I never gave consideration until years after I started my first blog (back in 2009/2010) that while I am not writing novels, I am writing. Prissy Missy Loves is my newer blog and one that I started about the time of my relapse, but with this blog, I get to explore things that I cannot in my other blog, and between them both, I get to share stories. I get to connect with people on a personal level. It gives me happiness to know that I can still write, even if it is not how I first envisioned. As for writing novels, I am still fairly young. Maybe my time just has not come yet.
When I had my relapse, I had this idea that I was going to finish college and go forward in my career choice. However, considering that I never know what my pain level is going to be when I wake up, and some days I cannot concentrate, cannot do much without pain, and have other issues, I have been frustrated and deep down, I think that my dream of this is probably not going to ever happen the way I wanted. However, I started looking at other options. I could finish my degree online. It might take a while, but I could work with my body and issues and make it work. I also recently discovered that there are tutoring opportunities that I can do from home on the computer. The whole idea is so exciting and something I never considered. Again, it is not my original dream, but being flexible in the form can help me obtain that dream.
Being flexible is also giving me the opportunity to explore possibilities that I never thought would happen. When I was a little girl, I wanted to model. I was short, and I was chubby. The whole idea seemed totally and utterly unreachable. And yet, here I am. I am not, nor will I ever most likely be a supermodel. However, I get to model for small boutiques. Right now, I cannot do as much as I would like, but when I see an opportunity that can work for me right now, I take it. It may never bring me lots of money, but it is so much fun, and it has been a huge confidence boost too!
The point I am trying to make here is that when you are starting to get frustrated with everything that has gone wrong and all you have had to give up, take a moment to see how you can change things to still make it work for you. Also try to put things into perspective. My big thing is that I have started to remind myself that I am still fairly young. While my issues may prevent me from my original plans, there is no reason that I have to give up on life or all my dreams. I just need to modify them to fit the situation. It is not perfect, but doing this can give you a better outlook. Having a more positive outlook can affect the way you live your life. You deserve to be happy. Just because you are stuck with an illness or condition does not mean that it has to define you as a person. Be flexible and as always, be gentle with yourself!
I am going to be honest…I love doing pin up, and I love blogging. I have been blogging for another blog for many years and have contributed to other blogs over the years. I know I should be writing more. However, if you have been following me the last year, you know that I had some issues starting last summer stemming from a TBI (traumatic brain injury) I got 14 years ago. It has been a huge blow for me in many ways.
I had a lot of high expectations when I started this blog, and I had to put a lot of them on hold. In some ways I felt I had to put my whole life on hold again, and I have spent a lot of the past year dealing with not only the physical aspects to all of this, but the emotional as well. I was angry, and then I felt depressed. My social anxiety came back full force, and for a while, I probably wasn’t giving myself the best care I could.
I have been working at changing that. The past 6 weeks have been insane in my house due to activities and such. Most of my family has a birthday in June. I wanted to blog here and in my other blog. I wanted to start doing more affiliate posts because I would like to make a bit of a profit from this, if only to pay for things so that I can showcase fashion and makeup to show people how to feel pretty on any budget. That is the goal. However, before I can do all of that, I have to keep in mind that self care is the best care. It is something I think many of us forget as many of us live busy lifestyles.
If there is anything that life with a TBI has taught me, it is that taking care of myself makes me a better person in the long run. It makes me a better wife, mother, and friend. I want to be around for a long time, and if I don’t take care of myself and treat myself right, that might not happen. Self care doesn’t mean running to a spa necessarily, but it means doing little things, like taking a bath in epsom salts now and then. For me, it means putting on makeup. I may only spend five minutes on hair and makeup most days, but it makes me feel like a million bucks. It means loving yourself and not beating yourself up all the time. Most of all, it means being gentle to yourself. Make realistic goals and expectations. If you want to lose weight, that is great. Just don’t beat yourself up if you cannot lose 10 lbs in a month, but someone else you know can. For me, I want to write. I want to empower women through my pin up to feel better about themselves. However, I know I have limitations. When I cannot keep to the schedule I want for myself, I need to just get up, dust myself off, and keep trying.
Taking care of yourself mentally and physically should always be a priority…whether it is 5 minutes to meditate or an extra few minutes relaxing in the shower. Granted, if you have a chance to take a spa day…ALWAYS take the spa day!